It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
