I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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