He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
