Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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