I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
