Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
That accounts for only three of the penises
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize