I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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