I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize