If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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