What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
