Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
