Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
