Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
