Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
