Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
