Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Randomize
