Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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