He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
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