Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
