I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Congratulations! We have a period
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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