Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
