The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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