Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
