he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
