I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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