guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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