is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
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