dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
