if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We are two peas in an std pod
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
