Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
