"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
