I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
