can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
