just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
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