is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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