Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
