he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
