I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just found puke in my bra..
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
