he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
