I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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