know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Randomize
