Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
