I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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