Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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