I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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