you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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