perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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