Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
