You're my little dorito
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
