I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
