from now on my penis is your penis
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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