Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
