Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
