hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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