just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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