Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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