my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize