cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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