He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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