you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
