i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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