K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Randomize
