Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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