last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
