sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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