Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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