The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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