She is in my trunk
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
