So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
im calling her cock vulture from now on
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
