I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
