I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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