Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
